Mentee: I am applying for the position of mentee. I’m putting my order out, I have reached a place of growth and experience. I am ready at the next level. Its kinda like when I went to grad school.
To be honest it never really occurred to me to go for a Masters back then. I was doing BIG shit getting a freeken bachelors, I thought, well in my world I was. I am the first of my generation to gain higher education and then it hit my, I want it all. Ph.d is in action oh yeah babe!!!
But it started with 1, here’s a one for you. When your ready.
One professor that walked up to me at the beginning of a class and said “You’re going to grad school right?” It was a statement laced all fucked-up and crooked but it’s ok because it’s my 3 year old and I love her emotional respond I had… I mean Grad school was for “THEM” not me… I was getting by in the place of new “real college gal stage” I was in shock lol.
On the other side of that coin I did not want to call NO damn attention to myself. I was taught to be still, silent, and courteous even in my discomfort and to act like I am ok when I am not and to be polite and accept hurts when well I did want to. It was unspoken things I took on, un-taught lessons. I had found new answers and new experience and new places. I had begun they next journey of my life. Thats it. I went through my fuckin 20’s just like the rest of the worlds 20 year olds and yes some of my shit is SOME SHIT, but ok… yes I will be honest and say even to my self. WTF Gg REALLY.. ummmm well choke that shit up to a learning curve. heheheh
I had that “I just really wanted to get in and out” mentality when I began school. I was distracted with other peoples bullshit and life dramas that I choose to leave me. I didn’t have enough self respect and love of myself; my life was getting better though because I was working on it. SHIT aren’t WE ALL????!!! Hello that is the plight of our existence to push and strive for more. We just all act surprise that our shit smells like the next fuckers in the bathroom. It doesn’t stink its shit.. Thats how shit smells accept it and move on.
But by the time I heard this statement of “You’re going to grad school right?!” Something in me accepted I was the SHIZNIT!! I loved what I did, FINALLY, and all my fears had begun to melt away. In this place I had found peace.. I had found my passion and my love.
Oh wait college helps me learn about me.. Yep where do I sign up. Now my family and my husband at the time laughed at me. I did not go to college to go to work. I went to college because I loved to learn, talk, read and hang out with people who like to do that. OHH shit thats coffee and tea houses oh yeah and College campuses, yeah them too. They give you paper for your time while you give paper to the other for yours.. Humm…
I work because I love what I do and I believe in reciprocity and equal trade. “Pay me what I’m worth or pay me no mind”, as my beloved auntie would say.
I can talk for days about ANYTHING!!! WAIT, shut the damn front door!!! WAIT! Your giving me tools on how to have educated arguments,filled with factual information, that I know how to decipher, and helps me see through skewed yet awkwardly squashy and satisfying data as well. Bahahah I can get my way! Your teaching me how to WIN! WHAT, YES I would like more, please and thank you. I remember my manners… How ever much more you will let me have, yes thank you!
They should have asked somebody before they let me into the secret hidden rooms!! WHAT!! Did they know that I had dreamed of coming to the fucking inner circle!!! Im channeling my inner Harry Potter Gal, BAyBae. I was the preachers KID!! My daddy was the only fucken BLACK preacher on any base we showed up in.. I loved to read and I was an only child and I spent a lot of time alone. I was awkward, aware, sexually aware (no harm no damage)and awake. Any place with a book was my 2nd home.
Oh and did I mention my daddy liked to dick down the ladies.. I mean on his behalf he never took anything that was not offered and he never offered anything he could not give. As a child I could not see now what I understand better as an adult. We all love differently and uniquely and monogamy and all that aint for every body no matter what “professional hat” they have to wear, first; Second stop judging folks shit!
To love another person you must accept and love yourself, deep down we all desire that one thing. To be seems at our rawest and accepted yet we don’t do it. Yet its only in emotions where we seem to get stuck the most. Hummm Here I go to SHOVE yo ass up a bit. You just need to get your feet under you again.
I did not struggle with writing papers or going to class. Shit I LOVED IT.. I thought it was the best shit. I was paid to learn about shit I ENJOYED, loved, wanted to know, and to know more, and more about all kinds of things! DEAL!
I have moved forward in my professional growth and I continue to move to the next levels in my personal growth.
My professional growth is like a Jason Bourne movie for me. You know the scene where they are having a murderous fight to the death, but in fuckin near silence… UMMM what.. I would be screaming like a god damn banshee… I swear lawd help me and him.. I am so not made for that shit, BUT heres the thing.. I would hold my own.. I would shut the fuck up and we would be in the fight, after my first scream. OK its balance and understanding that balance sometimes looks like 1000 feathers to 1 big rock but they both weigh a ton. ( I hated that question as a kid so tricky!)
I understand that I must give up my status of “biggest fish” in one pond to become one of the lil’er fish in a bigger pond. That doesn’t diminish my luster or my worth. Instead it has taught me that I am wiser with deeper and greater understanding. I am always a student, master, and a teacher.. Yes always at once.
I pay gratitude to my grannies, my mommas, my daddy’s, uncles, aunties, friends, families, husbands, employers, lovers and every thing else in between. I am grateful for ever moment and ever person that has poured into me knowingly or unknowingly, YOU MATTERED
THANK YOU!!! It has all landed me at this place in this moment in this time where all I can say is thank you in my humblest place just as quickly. I have matured to be a person I am proud to be.
Please move forward from today with a YES and a know that life is FUCKEN ROCK STAR AWESOME!! This shit is GREAT!