Warrior vs Shame

Ok y’all, I just typed no prof-reading or changes. Every day I will journal its cathartic!

This is my place to be real. My place to tell you that I too going through the shit.

So I am going to share my life in its rawest and realist dimensions with y’all. Why not I am a warrior not function in shame.

I am dealing with domestic abuse from a partner.
I am a social worker
I am a mother
I am scared and often have panic attacks, often so many I just stopped counting
I am not a punk so despite my “anxiety” I fight to remember the TRUTH

I will not allow FEAR nor SHAME hinder me from my goals.

Oct 21st 2014 I moved to a new state. I had moved from Cali to Okc in Aug 2014 and although I loved it I was in a relationship that had been going on at that point for about a year. We were planning to get married 12/13/14 I moved and things were ok.. But not for long.

Listen this is not a horror story, I made a decision and thats all. By December I saw him for who he was clearly and declined. I spoke with him and we came to an agreement that the business that I came to NY to start would continue and we would remain friends. We continued to sleep in the same home and often the same Cali king bed, it’s only one in the house. We were not enemies.

Jan 21st I left the state and during that time I had to explain to my now ex of over 30 days that I am uncomfortable with your advances and how do we work this out. I am not going to have sex or provide emotional support/love to be safe.

I felt I was being pressured and I wasn’t sure he meant to do it.
I sent an email. He responded and said he understood..

I didn’t understand.
1 hour later the nightmare began and has not stopped.

I have been harassed, he has tried to evict me, he has stolen my identity and tried to sell it to someone to hack, he has used 3rd parties to harass me. He has done every thing BUT hit me and because he has not hit me I am treated as if I am the problem.

I swear if I hear ONE more person say “just leave” “why don’t you move” “he doesn’t have to take care of you” “You’re prolonging this / you’re contributing/THIS IS YOUR FAULT” One moregen Ill scream!!

I am being harassed and he is trying to victimize me. I LIVE HERE. all of my clothing and everything I own in my life resides at this address but because he is MAD I have to suspend my sense of reality and play crazy?

Because we are not married, because I declined, I am at fault?

If this was a business deal instead of my puss, life and body we would not be having this conversation. If I was doing have the things he is doing to me he would lose his mind.

I win. I am a warrior. I am not afraid. I will stand up for my rights as a person equal and covered under the same laws as he is.

I have a order of protection, please don’t ask me about the rude and condescending lawyers, police and other “helping” people that are supposed to assist me. I have contacted several places for assistance but I have no outer scares so I am told I don’t count…

I COUNT. I will not be silent in the face of danger I will not allow anyone to denigrate nor shame me for demanding I am treated with RESPECT.

We will talk tomorrow.. I needed this!

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I know you wanna look…. video of me HEY y’all! ;0)

I know you wanna see who is behind the words.. Well here is my half! Hey y’all! Im an all star! Don’t judge me and if you do tell me what you think! LOL

Wait a minute!! Don’t forget about me. I did my welcome too! Check it out.

Enter here

 

Raw truths are meant to free us

Haven’t we learned yet?

when we hide them, they just eat us.

They eat away at the who we are and try’s to pull us in many directions…

to places we never really reach..

Instead we struggle through

Thats what we say… But the truth is.. we travel to places we have no desire to be

only adding greater to the misery…

Then one day you say enough…

But only when you find brave..
Yes not fear..
Fear

you leave that travel guide behind

Hire Tenacity, love, peace, joy

Instead

Take a moment to quiet the loud

and think…

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Imagine That? A simple shift

Perception is every thing!

 

Repost-Pay it Forward!–How Much Should You Save and Budget for South America?

JUST RAMBLE ON

Expanding on my first blog on How to Budget for Backpacking and Long-term Travel, I thought it would be good to provide some more detail on how much we budgeted for our trip in South America….

Loosely we used the £1000/$1600 a month rule to start with

With an outward flight booked just before the start of March, we at least wanted to last until Christmas. So £10,000 each sounded like a good total to aim for.

But

Once we browsed a bookstore we used the following prices as daily spends (all in US dollars, correct as of Sept 2013). We used these as a basis for our budget…we took the comfortable (upper) daily budgets then we planned for a month in each country …

  Total for 30 days
Argentina $50 (Basic) $80 (comfortable) $2,400
Bolivia $15 $28 $840
Brazil $55 $85 $2,550
Chile $40 $60 $1,800
Colombia $50

View original post 121 more words

Aside

4- Add your Link Here. Pay it forward with Gratitude

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Pay It Forward In Gratitude

What I have learned about myself is far more important than what I learn about others.

How I see myself is how I then see the world.

I translate how I see myself though expression.  How I express myself to the world and how I feel the world interacts with me begins with me. I don’t really give a fuck about a lot of things but the things I do care for.. well this is the place I express them, I want you to do the same.

I am giving this place as a place of sincere gratitude by paying it forward.

I am saying to each of you that cross my virtual threshold  I appreciate you, you help me in my journey to success.

Often the key to success are the tools and knowledge that they exist, among other things.

Bottom line, shit, is this

Here is a place to plug your blog! Tag your shit and express yourself. This is a place of SUPPORT and CONNECTIVITY! Link, share, add, like, rock on. There is an abundance, there is more than enough, each of us fit into a unique niche.

Oh and my first paying- it- forward and huge thank you

http://aopinionatedman.com/

like share and pay it forward

Gg